


more than a hug, more than a handjob

by sinedeam



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal, First Time, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Social Anxiety, a lot of cum, corpse has problems, corpse is so gay for sykkuno, covid exists but they dont care, depression&anxiety, double orgasm, handjobs, sykkuno doesnt know how to talk about his feelings, the author is sinning, they eat dim sums at the end oh god im so hungry right now, tw: panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:15:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27460303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinedeam/pseuds/sinedeam
Summary: “do you want to talk about it?” corpse muttered.sykkuno shrugged. “not sure. not really?”“...i think we have to."___in which they have anal sex for the first time and then later they talk about it.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 677





	more than a hug, more than a handjob

**Author's Note:**

> a lot of disclaimers:  
> \- english is my second language. i don't know how to write. what are words. if you see any mistakes, mind your own business. don't write a comment about it. i don't care.  
> \- im 18 so therefore not a minor. if you are one - don't read this shit. please. especially if you r super young, like twelve or something. reading smut fanfiction will fuck you up for the rest of your life. im serious. don't do it. i beg you. for your own good.  
> \- so this thing consists of several sex scenes, including an anal scene. first of all - i'm so sorry. really sorry. second of all, this is my second time writing smut, so please understand how hard it was for me. also, i hate myself for that. i don't know why i wrote that. my hands just slipped. (also, it is completely valid to not have anal sex in a mlm or nblm relationship, handjobs are also considered sex and it's totally fine !!!!)  
> \- there is a lot of mentions of mental illnesses. there is also a panic attack scene. if these topics trigger you, please don't read this fanfiction. the experiences I wrote about here are those of mine and I know corpse is also agoraphobic and depressed, but please remember those are his struggles and his struggles alone. not something that is supposed to make any content. so in this fanfic the character of corpse was just an option for me to write about my struggles and please read it only in this way. as a character i created.  
> \- also, the coping mechanisms included here are... bad. please don't copy any of them. if you feel like you have any similar problems, please contact a specialist.  
> \- corpskkuno is not real. if theyll ever say they feel uncomfortable with shipping them or writing smut about them, i will delete this. until then, please also don't write to them about the ship too much, because we all know how it ends. let's ship them in silence and not make them feel weird or uncomfortable. im writing characters based on their personalities and lives, but also mixed with my fantasy and my personal live.  
> \- im a lesbian so if you think I know how a man's body function or how does two men have sex... haha. bad news. i never even watched gay porn. what are dicks? idk. anyways, i based it on fanfics i read. so, it's not great.  
> \- my body will burn in hell for that 🙂  
> \- also, please leave a nice comment, because i am very stressed publishing it here and i have a bad anxiety that tells me everything i do is wrong and bad.

there they were. again. all alone, in corpse's little apartment. it's not like corpse didn't like that, hell no, but it sometimes felt like maybe he was doing something bad. something he is not supposed to do. but then again, no one needs to know, right?

it all started at the Offline TV’s party. it was his first time meeting his online friends in such a crowd, hell, it was his first time attending a party in a long time. of course he was very stressed, and he, with his black mask on, stayed next to a wall and tried to just keep calm. the problem is, people would come to him, wanting to engage in a conversation. huh. no thanks. corpse was too busy fucking dying inside.

so he just stayed there, listening to other peoples conversations, sipping on his drink consisting of vodka and sprite. he tried to make a grin when somebody would call his name or mentioni him, or whatever, but really he just tried to breathe. which was getting harder and harder every minute. shit, oh no, please dont get a fucking panic attack, not in front of your friends, who already think you are an awkward and weird creature. great impression.

he tried to make a smile again, slowly ungluing his sweaty back from the wall. he made eye contact with toast, intensely staring at him, begging him to come closer. he did, actually (maybe corpse is a telepath or maybe it just looked like a cry for help). toast came closer to corpse, grinning at him.

"what's up" toast said, looking more concerned than before "everything okay, corpse? you don't look well..."

"where is" corpse had to take a breath for a second, because his mind got in a rush, and he already knew what does that mean "where is the bathroom" its didn't sound like a question really, more like a demand, but what was he supposed to do, he never learned how to interact with people in person.

"it's upstairs, on the left, but corpse..." corpse was already heading in this direction before he was stopped by toasts hand on his arm "corpse, if you're not feeling well... or i dont know, if there is something not okay... we're really worried about you" toast looked really genuine saying that, and corpse actually felt bad for being such a trouble for everyone.

"nope. everything's fine" he lied, escaping toast's touch and almost running to the bathroom. 

he had a panic attack in the Offline TV's bathroom. thankfully, he had a chance to dig out his meds from his pocket and drink it down with the alcohol in his hand before his vision went completely blurry. he stayed there, shaking, waiting for his body to calm down. he haven't had a panic attack in a long time, probably because he would never leave his home or meet with a big group of people. when he finally calmed down (thanks to antidepressants!) he sat on the toilet and just stared blankly at the bathroom wall.

he didnt know how long he stayed like that. well, probably too long, because he soon heard knocking on the door. already putting on the face mask, picking up his stuff and getting ready to leave, he heard such a familiar voice through the door.

"corpse...? can i come in?" god, this little guy. corpse's heart melted when he heard his worried voice. how was he supposed to say no? of course he couldn't and, like an obedient puppy, he unlocked the door.

oh god. maybe this wasn't a great idea. seeing sykkuno's worried face, unsure smile and, just generally, him, right here, made his heart beat faster and his breath unstable. fuck, he had such a soft spot for this boy. it almost made him cry, right here, right now. but he didn't, tried to stay calm.

"hello corpse" sykkuno made an awkward smile as he felt corpse's sight on him. as he entered he closed the door behind him and scratched his head. "it's great to meet you finally" he said, awkwardly.

oh right. it was the first time they actually met face to face. he forgot, because he would spend so much time playing and talking through discord with the older, and, maybe, rewatching his youtube videos incessantly, he felt like they knew each other for ages. well, they were close. very. they would talk very often and corpse felt like sykkuno was the only person he actually felt comfortable with. but, right now, they met in person and it felt kind of unreal.

it also was the first time sykkuno saw his face. just the half of it, but still, it just hit him. sykkuno made a little "oh" as they both just awkwardly stared at each other.

corpse should say something.

"um, hi sykkuno. it's also nice to meet you. you're much shorter than i thought" fuck. what a stupid thing to say. kill him, why the fuck is he so bad at talking. he felt embarrased and, well, sykkuno went a little red on his cheeks and looked at the tiles next to him. "sorry" corpse blurred, stupidly.

"no, dont be sorry!" sykkuno said in a hurry, moving his hands quickly. "you're also, um, taller..." he paused "than i expected" another pause "and much hotter" he said under his breath, which made corpse's heart stop. he stared back into sykkuno's shy eyes, unsure what was the intention of the other.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry" sykkuno covered his mouth with his hands. "im drunk, i think" yeah, he surely was, corpse could tell. he would sometimes talk to sykkuno when he was drunk and he just, well, was even more awkward and kind of more bold. yes, he did rewatch the halloween stream over and over, the one where sykkuno was half drunk and was wearing those goddamn cat ears.

"'s okay" corpse said, but he really was lost in his mind right now.

"anyways... i came here because we were getting really worried about you. you stayed here for..." sykkuno looked around. "...some time. yeah." oh. yeah. corpse couldn't really manage his time when he had a panic attack, it must have been like fifteen minutes, right? or maybe longer. shit, it really must have looked weird. "is everything okay, corpse?"

corpse wanted to lie at first, say everything is fine, no need to worry, he is a grown up man. but the worry on sykkuno's face, which felt so truthful, so concerned, just made corpse fall apart. "yeah, no" he breathed. "had a panic attack" he realized it must have worried sykkuno even more, so he quickly added "but it's fine now. i just kind of wished my social anxiety disappeared, but it apparently didn't"

"oh, okay" he nodded, understandingly. thank god for sykkuno. “if you need anything, or want me to help you with anything… just say, im right here” sykkuno laughed a little, covering his mouth, as he always does. this made corpse’s heart melt. 

did he need anything? not really, he already felt better. felt better, because his body calmed down, but also because sykkuno was close. this man always made corpse soft and feel homely. like a… flower plant. or maybe a teddy bear. god, corpse’s mind. so stupid comparisons. anyways, did corpse need anything? maybe…

“...a hug?” he said, unsure of sykkuno’s reaction. he didn’t think the older was a fan of physical contact. but the door was locked, no one would interrupt them right now, and corpse… really needed a hug. “i really need a hug” he repeated himself, dumbly. he felt his cheeks getting hotter, oh god.

“oh. of course” sykkuno looked awkward, and his cheeks were already pretty pink. “a hug for my friend, corpse. a friendly hug, yes.” well it was really awkward, they met for the first time and they both were drunk a little bit, corpse just had a panic attack, and they were about to hug for the first time. 

fuck it, lets do it. sykkuno opened his arms like a child and corpse, chuckling a little bit, closed the space between them, putting his hands on sykkunos back and his head on his collarbone. sykkuno waited a second and returned the hug. god, this was nice. sykkuno smelled mint and fresh baked cookies. mint cookies. corpse inhaled the smell and laughed a little bit in sykkunos arm.

sykkuno also put his head on corpses shoulder. they just stayed like that, for a couple of seconds, in the middle of a bathroom, alone, with the music from downstairs sometimes escaping the door to their place. corpse sighed. it felt good. homely. safe. 

then suddenly, before he could register, he felt a warm kiss on his neck. then another. corpse stopped breathing, trying to actually understand what was happening. was sykkuno kissing him on the neck? was he that drunk or…? what. what was happening. dont get him wrong, he did not not liked it, but. his head whirled. 

he choked when the third kiss made an appearance on his neck. much more powerful, warmer, slippery with saliva, almost giving him a hickey right here and there. it was quickly shut down as sykkuno looked up and, embarrassed, raising his hand to his mouth. “im so sorry! oh god, corpse” he said quickly, coming to his senses. “i didn’t… i’m so sorry! i don’t know why i did that! ah, im so drunk. and sorry, oh god!” he panted, shooked a bit. he wanted to push himself away, but corpses hands strongly kept him close

“sykkuno” corpse said calmly, but he wasn’t that calm inside. “don’t be sorry” he tried to look into the olders eyes “i don’t mind that. well, i… kinda liked that.” oh god, now its even more awkward between them. why would he say that? he probably just made the friendship between them disappear. sykkuno probably now thinks corpse is into him or whatever…

but, why would he lie, corpse was into him. so much. no need to lie to himself. he had a crush on the other for a long time. probably when he heard sykkunos voice for the first time. his calm, pretty voice. then his face, messy hair, uncertain gaze, timid smile. and finally his good natured heart and soul, always nice, so innocent and friendly. god, corpse was such a simp, he just wanted any type of attention from the other sometimes, he would call him just to hear his stupid voice. thats normal for… you know, friends. he thinks. (dont get him started on the one time he jerked off to sykkunos stream. we dont talk about that). 

and now, looking face to face, eyes to eyes, he was kind of unsure. maybe the older also had some feelings for corpse? maybe he had some chances? his heart was beating faster as he looked in sykkunos eyes. he couldn’t remember when, but suddenly his mask was taken off, their lips met and they just… floated away. sykkunos lips were so soft corpse almost melted right there. he returned the kiss, slipping his tongue into his mouth and meeting the other’s. sykkuno moaned quietly and they just… yeah.

basically they gave each other handjobs in Offline TV’s bathroom after corpse had a panic attack. not a casual thing for friends to do. at some point somebody knocked on the bathroom door, but the door was locked, thankfully, and sykkuno, calming his breathe, shouthed a little “occupied!”, pretending it is just taking him a long time to piss or something. even if their friends were starting to realize the two are spending obviously too long in there together, they truly didn’t care right now. what mattered then was the need and satisfaction of both of them, and how cutely sykkuno moaned into his ear, and, god. corpse was definitely not 100% straight. 

and so that’s how it began. they obviously didnt tell anyone. to be honest, their friends probably had an idea what was going on. toast, rea, lily, michael, poki could see they were close. maybe too close. but the chat didn’t know, thats good. when they streamed, they tried to pretend like nothing was happening. like they haven’t met and haven’t been so close, and absolutely haven’t hugged or, why would anyone think so, haha, gave each other handjobs. nah, they were just friends. gaming friends. just two bros having a good time being bros and plaing games together through discord and absolutely not having sex in the meantime! definitely just two straight guys playing straight games talking about straight things like games and girls. yes, thats who they are. 

they started meeting in corpse’s apartment. sykkuno would have an excuse to come meet corpse, since they lived quite close, saying he has to make groceries for the younger. it was true, really, because due to covid corpse would less often go to the store. he would also sometimes forget to eat. this concerned sykkuno and he would scold corpse every time he visited him. acting like a mom. but really, it was just another excuse for them to meet. after unpacking the groceries and paypaling the money for them to sykkuno, they would also end up in bed together. no, not really always, sometimes they did it in the bathroom, on the carpet, in the hallway or in the kitchen, next to the fridge, with the groceries still half packed.

they couldn’t help being so horny. corpse liked to kiss sykkuno, liked to jerk him off, sometimes even giving him a blowjob. it gave him electrifying sparks. being so close to the older boy. but even more than that, he liked the time after all of that, when they would just talk. about their experiences, their lives, their little problems, little feelings. he felt so comfortable talking with sykkuno, not sure, if he ever told all of that to anybody. at this point, sykkuno knew about all of corpse’s problems, both physical and mental. he also learned about corpse’s coping mechanisms. they also talked about their lives before youtube and all. they talked about their school days, such traumatizing times. its weird, because they look like complete opposites - corpse with his pale skin, black hair, chipped nails, eyeliner, always in black, and sykkuno, in simple, bright clothes, awkward smile and facial features like he was actually a real anime boy, walking in this dunn world - but inside, they had a pretty similar worldview, both scared of it, preferring to close themselves out of it. and so they did. in this little apartment, they both felt comfortable, hugging each other for hours.

it only has been two months since the party. this memorable party. it felt like such a long time. during this time they established that they both have a lot of feelings for each other (it was very hard for sykkuno to say it, but he finally did, choking a little, which was, at least for corpse, adorable). they also agreed that its much better for them to keep it for themselves. as youtubers always do, for their privacy. and of course for corpse’s privacy, which was so important, because he would just die if it was ever revealed they're dating. they didn't tell their friends, but neither of them asked, so they just assumed that if anybody would, they would just tell the truth. it wasn’t wrong what they were doing, right? their friends were rather accepting and surely wanted only the best for them. and this kind of pact was good for both of them. since they were only meeting here, in this apartment, noone could ever spot them or anything. they also could pretend like the world besides them doesnt exist. and its just them. 

then, when corpse would stay alone, he felt like something was missing. someone. sykkuno felt like a part of his room, his heart. he would get even more sad when alone, wishing just to be able to talk to the older one. god, he’s so useless. without sykkuno around, he would still be corpse, the same old corpse, with his mixed brain, not functioning right for a second, and his mind, either too empty or too full with thoughts about his past. he had problems sleeping, would shout or cry without a reason, not being able to calm himself again. he also was too scared to start another therapy, just too much for him right now. then, he felt bad talking about his problems to sykkuno, because he didnt have a psychologist certificate. a disaster. 

some things helped him go through a day: first of all, meds. a lot of them, as prescribed. some days, when he felt like just giving up, he would take an extra one or two, but don’t tell that to his psychiatrist. they basically worked like drugs, making him sleep more, feel numb and just care less about everything. and the other days, he would forget to take them. maybe intentionally, but being on medication all the time made him miss the days, when the emotions were just too much for him to handle. he would forget to take them just to feel anything, even if it was just suicidal thoughts and a lot of guilt. and yeah, it helped him create, write his music, right, but then he would wake up the next day with such a headache, he felt like dying. (taking a lot of painkillers, smoking weed or just drinking alcohol until throwing up would help for that)

second thing - showers and baths. this relationship was also kind of borderline, since when he felt like taking a bath, it was hard for him to just stop. he would spend an hour, two just sitting there and thinking and then he would come back again after another three hours. it helped with his anxiety and his accumulation of thoughts. then, there were days in which he would just not have any power to stand up and go to the bathroom. he would stay like that, smelling worse and worse, for weeks. 

third - surely, internet helped. playing games, looking for inspirations on tumblr, listening to music. then again, internet also would ruin him. make him feel anxious, angry, depressed, self conscious. just like shit. it sometimes was hard for him to escape scrolling and scrolling even when he was already feeling suicidal. 

and finally - sykkuno. its probably not safe to depend on a person for your well being, but what was corpse supposed to do? not be indecently in love with the older? nah, couldn’t happen. through sykkuno wasn’t always super bubbly and positive, (and corpse was thankful to him for that, also. he was glad sykkuno would open up to him sometimes, even tho it was definitely very hard for the smaller. but the moments, when he actually would share his fears, corpse held them very close to his heart. he was glad sykkuno actually trusted him, even through he wasn’t the perfect person for that) he would always be calm, comforting and shy in his sykkuno way. he truly made corpse’s heart melt and him just wait for every time they had a chance to meet. but thinking about sykkuno also made him self conscious. he felt like he’s not enough, too sad, too depressing, too boring, too much of a problem. he secretly wished sykkuno would actually fall for someone who was worth it, who would take care of him and protect him. who had something to offer.

but then again, corpse would never give him away. 

there they were, again, on their own. they unpacked the groceries, talked a bit, laughed a bit, and suddenly they were in corpse’s bedroom, with hands hovering over their pants. they kissed inattentively, those kisses sloppy and making the space between them full of moans and saliva. corpse groaned as sykkuno planted a kiss on his neck, sucking in. they had an agreement, that only sykkuno was allowed to leave any hickeys in visible places. they wanted to stay undercover, and since sykkuno streamed very often, a possible hickey could have affected intensively his career. and they were too tired to care about any rumors possibly coming up, so corpse just had to calm himself down not to kiss too firmly on any parts of the older’s body. sykkuno, on the other hand, didnt have such restrictions, since corpse hardly ever left his apartment or met with any friends. even if, they usually would not ask about it. therefore, sykkuno would alwaus be so proud to leave a ton of hickeys everywhere on corpses body, counting them after sex and laughing shyly, as if it was his trophy. 

corpse felt a warm hand in his boxers and sighed with satisfaction. sykkuno seemed like such an innocent guy, but he really wasn’t. at least now, after getting to know so well. maybe it was corpse’s influence on him, but sykkuno more often was the one to initiate anything. he was getting more and more eager. maybe, corpse thought, they could start doing not so vanilla things with each other, like he used to with his ex girlfriends. it was just a thought tho, he was very okay with simple handjobs and a lot of kissing and hugging right now, since it was with his boy, his sykkuno. 

sitting on top of him, corpse unzipped sykkunos pants and took down his boxers. he threw it on the floor, who cares, he’ll later clean up. he shook his pants off and looked at the two dicks very close, kind of erect, next to each other, and grinned. sykkuno also looked at the view, then on corpse, with a question on his face. corpse didn’t answer, just took both of their dicks in his big hand and started moving it slowly. sykkuno made a little “oh”, just to put his hand on the younger’s one, trying to keep his pace. it wasn’t even that sexual, they didn’t wanted just to take it out, it was kind of sweet, being just so close, skin to skin. corpse moved closer, leaving a little peck on sykkuno’s cheek. just a quick, cute thing he would do. while they jerked their dicks together and moaned into each other's face. 

taking the accumulated precum from the tips of their dicks, he spread it across. as corpse touched the other’s slit, he heard an extensive moan just next to his ear. its sounded a little bit unusual, corpse had to make sure everything’s fine. it was, sykkuno just started to breath much heavier, one hand on his mouth and the other on corpse’s hand. without a doubt, sykkuno was very close. corpse smiled as he started moving his hand faster. he liked giving sykkuno pleasure, he liked seeing sykkuno’s face while he would come, he liked his little reactions, even more than he just liked having sex. he always wanted to make sure sykkuno comes with satisfaction and always tried to make the expierience for him even better than before. 

it was like that this time. sykkuno came with a loud moan (thank god corpse had soundproof walls, because, surprisingly, sykkuno wasnt as quiet in bed as he was on normal occasions) spouring himself on corpse’s hand. god, that was so satisfying. corpse grinned like a winner, being able to look at the older in such a state. just this sight alone, sykkuno under him, closed eyes, little smile, all red and sweaty, could make corpse come right here. he didnt want to overstimulate sykkuno, so he took his hand off his hand and, rubbing sykkuno’s cum into his own dick, started jerking himself off. he placed a small kiss on the older’s forehead and, even tho sykkuno’s eyes were stilled closed, he felt the smaller hand close on his dick. couple strokes were enough to make him come, all over sykkuno’s tummy and grey t-shirt.

well, they are gonna think about that later. corpse will probably have to borrow the smaller his shirt. but right now, the only thing that mattered was the two of them, laying next to each other, smiling and breathing quickly. sykkuno would rub corpse’s face a little bit, brushing his lips and nose. it felt relaxing and just bonding. corpse usually hated when somebody touched him, but not when it was sykkuno, hell no. sykkuno’s hands were so warm and soft, so delicate, corpse felt like a little kitty under his touch. he purred with his low voice, making the older shudder.

sykkuno’s hand travelled onto his neck and arm, trailing his marks. the new hickeys were mixed with the earlier ones, left from the last few days. as he touched them, he would smile shyly, unsure if it was him who did all of this. 

“yess, sykkuno” corpse said, in his hoarse voice “i’m all yours” he chuckled, being so bold (like saitama).

sykkunos face went red again, feeling abashed and in disbelief maybe. he wanted to say something, opened his mouth, then immediately close it, smiling awkwardly and rolling his eyes. “don’t say it like that” sykkuno sighed “im gonna get embarrassed”

corpse laughed loudly. this guy. “aren’t you already? you’re all red” it was true. sykkuno would get embarrassed pretty easily, even tho they were close, he would still feel awkward with some things. corpse didn’t have this problem, well, corpse was experienced. while he hated opening up, he didn’t have such a problem with sleeping with people he didn’t knew so well. maybe he just didnt feel like sex was so personal before. he just kinda saw it as satisfactioning his needs, thats all. but sykkuno never had the ability to gain experience. like, he dated some people in his past, but it never went this far. it must have been a lot for him.

sykkuno leaned into a sitting position, sighing again. “you’re not mine, corpse” he started explaining, as if he was talking to a small child (which, well, maybe corpse sometimes acted like a child) “ you’re your own. your own person, corpse. you can’t just say that, that’s not how the world works-” “okay, bitch, shut up” corpse said, jokingly, trying not to laugh out loud. sykkuno’s eyes went big and he opened his mouth in shook “bi-... woah, woah, woah! don’t you call me-” 

he couldn’t finish, as his lips were closed with a heated kiss. corpse smiled, just like that, satisfied. he brushed sykkuno’s teeth with his tongue, asking the older’s tongue to play with him. he heard a quiet moan under him, which made him sure sykkuno was enjoying that. more than that, the warm hand slipped into corpse’s black, curly hair, pulling his head closer.

they kissed and kissed and kissed. just enjoying their presence, making out in a very messy way. corpse sat on top of him again, and as he was grinding a little bit, he felt that that sykkuno’s dick was already getting harder. huh, he thought, is there a second round ahead? he truly didn’t mind, he was always horny around sykkuno, so it wasn’t a problem for him.

he pulled sykkuno’s shirt over his arms, just to not bother them, and also not to smell of drying cum. decided also to take off his own shirt, just for safety. now, having sykkuno’s completely naked body in front of his eyes, he couldn’t help but smile. god, this boy is so perfect. hes body carved out like an anime character’s body would be, just soft and glistening. here and there a little bit chubby or too skinny, but corpse thought that those little things, those imperfections are what made sykkuno into such a perfect creature. like a prince.

sykkuno smiled provocatively, which only encouraged corpse. he leaned in, planting kisses on his heated chest. this part was definitely always hidden under sykkuno’s t-shirt, so corpse didn’t see a problem with maybe sucking a little bit at the kisses. he scratched here and there, gliding his mouth over the parts. he made a circle with his tongue over sykkuno’s left nipple and sucked on it, which made the older forget his breath. “god, my head is spinning” sykkuno muttered, and corpse felt so satisfied, being able to bring sykkuno on the edge. his head and a trail of kisses was heading down, down to his pubes and already erect dick, eager to taste him again, when he was stopped by sykkuno’s shaking hand. 

“what’s up, babe” corpse said, joking a little with the pet name. he wouldn’t really use it towards sykkuno, but rather his friends, because he felt like it’s more funny than hot. whatever, its complicated. 

“i thought…” what did you thought, sykkuno “i thought that maybe we could try something else today”

oh? at first corpse wasn’t sure what he meant. maybe he didn’t liked it when corpse gave him blow jobs? no, he tried to chase away the pessimistic thoughts, it surely wasn’t that. but corpse was to horny right now to try and guess whats on sykkuno’s mind. 

“like what?” corpse felt dumb for a moment, because he truly wasn’t sure what sykkuno meant. he just wanted to suck on his dick, for gods sake. 

“like um…” he stopped, blushing and quickly moving his hands to cover his face “oh my god, corpse, promise me you’re not gonna laugh” he wouldn’t, but he really just wanted to know already, for fucks sake. he stared at sykkuno, waiting. “like… butt thingy” he whispered, completely red. 

oh. oh. so thats what was on sykkunos mind. to be honest, corpse wasn’t really expecting it. also, lets talk about how he named it a butt thingy. it’s anal, sykkuno. but its okay, he was used to sykkuno having problems with pronouncing words that sounded a little dirty. which was, um, weird considering he was just laying under him, fully erect. but okay, corpse can’t judge him. sykkuno was actually very innocent, and it only made him even more in love with him. 

but back to butt thingy. corpse blinked two times, considering it. “well… are you sure? its complicated and i dont want to pressure you into anything”

“but it’s okay! i suggested it! i know how it works, don’t worry, i can do it” he didn’t sound so sure, but okay. then he added “if you have, um…”

“...lube? yeah, don’t worry” thankfully he always kept condoms and lube in the second drawer, just under where he kept his antidepressants and meds. he leaned next to the bedside table, still sitting on top of sykkuno. took it out, then looked sykkuno straight in the eyes. “but if you feel unsure for any moment, tell me. or feel like anything is hurting. or want to stop. or anything, just tell me sykkuno. i wont judge. i can always blow you out.” he smiled, but the proposition was rather awkward. 

well, he also was a little bit scared. he never did anal. like, he watched some videos about it, he knew how a vagina works, so a butt rather would work pretty much the same, right? like, there were some differences, a butt was not as flexible, and it probably was much more hurtful. corpse should be careful, then, because he really was scared of hurting sykkuno in any way. 

sykkuno nodded quickly, assuring the younger everything’s fine. it wasn’t really the response corpse wanted, he really wished sykkuno would have a better way with words, because that way he was never sure if the consent was there. and it was really important for corpse, to know they are both enjoying it and the older isn’t feeling pressured into anything. he sighed, looking into the other’s eyes, smiling and trying to get a grin back. 

when sykkuno looked into his eyes, so shyly, corpse felt that sykkuno was sure of his decision. he got off his lap and leaned to look for a pillow on the other side of the bed. he took one of the fluffy, black and small ones, that his sister got for him when he was moving into this apartment, couple years ago. well, finally it will have some use. he placed it carefully under sykkuno’s butt. sitting down in front of the older’s body, he took lube into his hand and poured out a neat amount. he wasn’t sure if sykkuno had ever penetrated himself, so he wanted to be even more careful. 

the older observed him while he did all of this, smiling awkwardly, not knowing what to do really. he put his hands down, groping the sheets under him. yeah, he was stressed, but he also was horny and unable to wait any longer, as his dick was growing even harder every minute. 

checking the last time for any revolt on the older’s face, and not finding any opposition, he put his middle finger dripping with lube into sykkuno. he felt the body under him tremble, a squeak coming from sykkuno’s mouth. he looked once again at his face, to which sykkuno responded with a breathy “‘s fine”. seeing the reaction, getting excited just by seeing how the older was overwhelmed by just his finger, corpse bit his lip and started moving it inside. it was tight, much tighter than a vagina was, but after couple of strokes it eased and was allowing him to move more. sykkuno closed eyes, hissing a little with pain, but corpse knew it was usually like that. he has read a lot about anal sex, watched some films and asked his friends. even tho, he tried to keep an eye on the older’s expressions, making sure not to cause too much pain for him. 

digging his finger in another direction, he finally heard a little moan, replaced immediately with a small “...oh”. oh, indeed. so he hit it. the g spot. we got it, boys. “does it feel nice?” he asked, dumbly, as he hit it again. the response was this time a loud moan, quickly covered by those warm hands. sykkuno looked corpse straight in the eyes, too embarrassed. he had to calm his breath, so corpse tried not to move his finger to quickly during that. “...yeah.”

the response excited corpse maybe a little too much, knowing he did a good job hitting the spot. he continued to hit in the direction, enjoying the sounds leaving the smaller’s mouth.

soon enough he put the second finger in. still trying to direct it in the certain direction, he also tried to open it up a little bit. it was hard, since sykkuno’s muscles would clench on him, but not impossible. in few minutes it was time for a third finger and thats when sykkunos body started protesting. corpse stopped for a bit, trying to calm the deeply breathing one under him, by stroking his thigh and dick slowly. it must have helped, because quickly his body relaxed and corpse was able to move his fingers more comfortably. he made sure there was an enormous amount of lube inside the older one, because, well, lets just say, corpse’s dick wasn’t small. he was scared that if sykkuno wouldn’t be opened enough, corpse’s dick could damage his anus.

when he felt like sykkuno was really moving onto his fingers more than he was pushing them in, he knew it was the time. sykkuno moaning like a little kitten under him just made him sweaty and even more erect. he drawn out his fingers, to a loud sigh of protest from the other, and tried to tear apart the wrapping for a condom. it took him longer than expected because of the incentive that made his hands shaky. oh god, this is really happening. he rolled on the condom, feeling the gaze of the smaller, completely flushed one on him. he squeezed a generous amount of lube on his cock. if they’ll keep doing that, he will have to definitely stock up on lube, no question. 

so, there they were, sykkuno on the bed, cuddling up in some pillows, completely red, and corpse, on top of him, entering his ass. with only the tip of it inside, the anus muscles clung onto him, making corpse moan loudly with his low voice. fuck, it was so tight. much tighter than with his ex girlfriends. corpse was about to cum right here, right now, with only half of his dick inside. he leaned more towards sykkuno’s ear, moaning into it and asking quickly “you okay?”. sykkuno was breathing fast, sometimes moaning, having problems with swallowing saliva. he shook his head, certain, and just as corpse pushed himself to the end, he moaned loudly. corpse smiled at that, leaving all of his senses, only thinking about the boy under him and how tight he felt around his cock.

corpse put his hand on the older’s dick before kissing him passionately and thrusting into him. sykkuno moaned into his lips, which corpse liked a lot and it only encouraged him to thrust again. jacking off sykkuno’s dick slowly, but surely, he tried to make sure they’ll both come in the same time, because, fuck, he was so close. so fucking close he already felt like his limbs are getting numb. the thrusted a couple times, trying to stay in the rhythm that was not too fast for sykkuno. they kept making out, stopping just to take a breath or moan loudly. sykkuno must have felt embarrassed right now for all the noises he would make, but corpse tried to accupie him with his mouth, not letting him cover it with his hands once again. sykkuno’s face was so pretty, his forehead sweaty, cheeks red and lips chapped. corpse looked his straight in the eyes, dark with lust, with tears rolling up. 

and then he just. came. with loudest groan, inside of sykkuno, looking deep into his eyes, hand on his dick. the cum spilled into the condom. he had to stop for a second, moving his hand and thrusting into the smaller, because he just. came. he felt like flying. all of his energy disappeared and his limbs went numb. he felt just so good. 

he quickly was brought up to his senses when he heard his lover’s voice breathly saying “c-corpse… please… don’t- don’t stop”. oh god, sykkuno didn’t come. with little strength he picked himself up from the older’s chest. he grabbed the dick with much power, making another moan escape sykkuno’s mouth. he also tried to thrust again into sykkuno, but the overstimulation made him wince with pain. but he still tried, no energy left. after a couple strokes on his dick, sykkuno finally came, with trails of tears on his cheeks, which was a sight to see. corpse pulled out his dick, took the condom off and, having tied it up, threw it out to a bin close to the bed. he fell on the bed, next to sykkuno and closed his eyes.

this was… something. amazing. different. better. tiring. and it also felt a bit weird, in some way.

they laid like that for some time. at some point their hands met and their fingers tangled into each other’s. comforting. little thing like that, their bodies being far away, but fingers playing with each other’s. nice. small. corpse could only think of sykkuno right now. him on his dick. his face when he would cum. and finally, how glad he is for the older in his life. how much he feels close, safe and attached. corpse felt like maybe he was his soul mate, for whom the younger was looking for so long. he smiled at that thought and his heart fluttered. maybe those romantic films and stories he would always despise were actually true. and one of them just happened to corpse. 

as he came back to his senses again he looked at the other next to him. sykkuno had his eyes close. he also had a lot of drying up cum on his tummy. corpse turned towards him, still holding his hand. “you’ll have to shower. i can give you a new shirt, if you need” yeah, he surely needed it, since the one he came in was covered with cum. well, everything was covered in cum right now. corpse will have to clean up or he’ll not be able to sleep later.

“yeah. in a minute” the older muttered in a weak voice, still with his eyes closed. he must have been really tired. normally, corpse would suggest him to just stay over, but not in this case. sykkuno lived with his friends and they surely would presume something if he wouldn’t come back at a reasonable time. the official version was that sykkuno did corpse’s grocery, they talked a bit, played some games. no one could assume they were meeting up to make out and fuck each other, right?

corpse drew a circle on sykkuno’s wrist. “do you want me to order some food? you must be tired. i also, uh, don’t want you to come back with an open stomache” he was really concerned about the older, now analyzing if he did everything good during the stretching. he was driven more by his need to come more than sykkuno’s well being and just wasn’t sure. a lot of questions filled his head right now. “sure. maybe chinese? i know a good place, i just need…” sykkuno leaned, searching blindly for a phone, but corpse was quicker, passing it into the smaller’s hands. corpse’s phone. sykkuno unlocked it, since corpse never set up a password for it. his background was a picture of sykkuno, from one of his livestreams, and corpse sighed with embarrassment as he saw the older giggling at that. they then went on discussing what to order, corpse entrusting in sykkuno’s knowledge in chinese cuisine. after corpse paid and the delivery time was shown, he got up and started looking for any shirt that would actually fit the smaller. he had some weird things in his closet (like himself until couple months ago, haha) and he didn’t want to make it awkward. finally, he found a simple black tee with some white drawings. it wasn’t also too big, so he threw it towards the other, smiling sincerely. 

after sykkuno had showered and corpse had some time to not only change the sheets, but also analyze everything once again and once again (he had a problem with overthinking things; he should have taken a pill just then, but he also didn’t want to show himself on drugs to sykkuno right now - it was maybe too early for that), the bathroom was free and corpse entered it. he passed sykkuno in the sitting room and, to his surprise, nothing happened. like, maybe corpse expected to hug, quickly kiss or something, or just simply exchange smiles. but nothing like that happened, sykkuno intentionally looked the other way when they passed each other. and corpse froze at that, not sure what to do. so, he did something not right, yes? he just needed answers and it drove him crazy. why did sykkuno act like that? he felt guilty and was ready to start crying now. fuck, he’s so insecure. 

while showering and trying to wash up all of the sperm still dried on his body and hands, he thought about what to tell the older. he was getting ready to just give up, surrender. if sykkuno didn’t liked him already, which was, in corpse’s brain, very likely right now. 

he heard the doorring and sykkuno opening them, meaning the food had arrived. didn’t want to eat it cold, so he quickly poured more water onto himself and came out of the tub. he dried his body with a towel and put on a shirt and sweatpants.hurried himself, quickly leaving the bathroom and into the living room. sykkuno was already there, unpacking the food on the coffee table next to the couch. he was there only in panties and corpse’s shirt, with his legs fully visible, so slim and glistening. what a fucking sight. 

he sat next to the other, but keeping a distance. sykkuno was avoiding his sight. oh no. it was just awkward. they ordered some dim sums, vegan, because of corpse. he was vegan for some years and while sykkuno wasn’t and enjoyed meat a little too much, he would only eat vegan around corpse, being just polite. they always tried to order some new flavours so that sykkuno would make big eyes at how different and good it tasted and praised it. so they ordered two flavours of dim sums, with shiitake and with pumpkin and chickpeas. they also ordered a tom kha and a bao bun with tofu and algae.

after they unpacked everything they began to eat. in silence. in an awkward silence. the atmosphere around them was so dense, corpse hated it. he started eating his bao bun, before he stopped and looked at sykkuno once again.

“do you want to talk about it?” corpse muttered, not wanting to bother the one eating a soup right now. sykkuno stopped, but didn’t look at the younger. his hair was wet and still dripping.

sykkuno shrugged. he was feeling very awkward. “not sure. not really?” he kind of asked, but it wasn’t a question. he was tired and just didn’t want to talk. corpse could see that, but what mattered for him more was the well being of their relationship. he wanted to be sure that he didn’t hurt sykkuno. he wanted to make sure he is not hated by the other.

“i think we have to” he didn’t want to pressure him into anything, but the thought of them separating and just ignoring the issue would burn his heart. he leaned closer to sykkuno and put his hand on the smaller’s shoulder. “hey”. sykkuno looked up in corpse’s deep black eyes, unsure. “what happened, sy?” 

sykkuno wasn’t mad at him. he never was, and corpse was glad this is not the first time for them. like, sykkuno was such an angel and could never get angry at anybody, surely not corpse. it was more like, if he would actually get a little mad, he would blame it on himself and withdraw. but for corpse, it was very important to talk with him, especially during times like that, even though it was scary. 

“i just…” he started, but his voice was shaky and he had to take another breath. “i just have to think about it. like… on my own. it’s a lot.” seeing that corpse is not taking that as an answer, he sighed and continued. “because… it’s just a little bit weird for me? i guess? like it’s hard for me to comprehend? because when we are here we do… this. and when i come back to my friends it’s just weird…” he stopped again, trying to choose words carefully, not to offend corpse in any way. “...to pretend nothing is happening. and with the…” grunted “...this thing we did today… yeah, anyways. how was your shower, corpse? maybe we should try those dim sums now, huh?” corpse did a little laugh at how sykkuno was uncomfortable talking about this. but, what was important, he knew about the main problem. and the atmosphere went back to normal. 

“my shower went good, sykkuno, thank you for asking” he smiled, helping the older unpack another wrapping. “to be honest, i was scared you were angry at me because i did something wrong. i was… you know, really scared i would hurt you. but good to know that’s not the case.”

sykkuno made big eyes and denied it with his hands. god, he was such a cutie. corpse could not be more in love with him. “no, no, it was, uh… really good.” he paused. he looked at the carpet under their bare feets, getting redder. “i’d like to… uh, do this again… someday…” he said unsure and awkwardly laughed after that, covering his mouth with his hand. 

corpse smiled widely. “yeah. me too” they took a minute to unpack the dim sums and, after little woahs escaped sykkuno’s mouth at the sight of the wonderful food on the table, corpse started talking again “and if it’s weird for you that we, you know, are basically hiding” he chuckled at that. “i don’t really mind if you tell someone, really. like rae or toast” he put his hand on sykkuno’s chin. “i don’t mind.”

“i just think i have to take some time to think about… stuff. because…” he stopped, trying to calm himself. “it’s kind of hard to admit to others that im not… im not…” sykkuno looked like he forgot the word, or maybe didn’t want to remember it. “...straight. because the world has some restrictions and obligations for you, and i just… don’t want to fit them. it’s hard to pretend even longer.” the words leaving sykkuno’s mouth were messy, but corpse really could empathise with him. he understood his position well, since he also had this kind of a struggle. he leaned towards the smaller and hugged him softly. 

they stayed like that for a minute. sykkuno whispered into corpse’s ear “it’s so hard to be your true self.” and corpse hugged him even tighter, knowing exactly what he meant. 

sykkuno broke the hug. confused, corpse remembered that their food is cooling down. oh no, their vegan dim sums! he was so hungry, after cumming two times and almost crying onto sykkuno’s sleeve. he took his first dim sum into chopstick and dipped into it. it was the one with shiitake. he gasped as the delicious umami flavour filled his palate. fucking heaven.

the one next to him also gasped as he tried his dim sum. he turned to look at corpse and, with his mouth full, he said “oh my god, corpse, these are amazing!”

and yeah, corpse wasn’t sure which one he loved more: those dim sums or the smile of a heavenly boy, with whom he fell in love with.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry


End file.
